only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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