I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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