Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
