Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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