I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
