you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
