Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
