Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
its not stalking. its research.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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