Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
