Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
