Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
