So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
