i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
