Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
