Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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