This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
