haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
