Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
