i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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