i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
