Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
