I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
