just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
