Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
