I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
