the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I showed him my bush... on skype.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
