So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
