If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
