Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
