hell yes lets make some ravioli
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
