You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my phone needs a breathalizer
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
