a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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