i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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