remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
