Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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