when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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