i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
