Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
