I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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