Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
