Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
