When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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