She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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