Swine flu. Run for my life!
i barfeds in our rink
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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