I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
