God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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