I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
