all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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