I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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