oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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