I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
