This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
