Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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