Sponge bath it is.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
