Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
