He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
