I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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