Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
