S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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