Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
