Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
