So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
