Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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