the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
