I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
