i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
