I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
