I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
