respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
