i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
