My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
