My brain says no but my pants say off.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
