so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
