I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
