and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
