You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
