My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize