jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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