It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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