Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
