Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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