beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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