Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
