It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
