I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
